I bumped into someone I went to school with a few weeks back, and after a rapid catch-up, we both said something to the effect of “you haven’t changed a bit.” Whereupon I joked, “well, that’s what we pay the aesthetician for, right?” She looked shocked. Well, not shocked exactly because her eyebrows didn’t move, but as shocked as anyone can look when the top half of their face is paralysed.
“You’ve never had Botox?” I asked, suspiciously. Maybe that was too personal, but I couldn’t help it. I was staring at the flawless forehead of a 42-year-old woman who had quite clearly had Botox. Flustered, she swore she had not. She just had a good skincare routine and drank a lot of water. I tried to raise my eyebrow at her, but she wouldn’t admit to it. I realised I was on dangerous ground, so we said our goodbyes, and I walked away feeling a bit guilty for putting her on the spot like that.
I do have a habit of oversharing personal information. If you have read my other columns, you may have arrived at a similar conclusion. So I accept that not everyone is as open about personal things as I am, but I am always genuinely baffled by the culture of silence and shame that still exists around cosmetic surgery and “tweakments”: Botox, fillers, microneedling, fat transfer – the list goes on. Why should anyone feel embarrassed by what they have done to look as good as they do?
There seems to be an unspoken sliding scale of beauty treatments that people will admit to. Make-up, fake tans, and hair dye are all fair game – very few people lie about those. But this changes as we start moving into more permanent or semi-permanent treatments, your teeth whitening or eyebrow microblading (tattooing, for those who don’t know). In my experience, people are reasonably happy to own up to these, but there may be a little bit of hesitation.
When we get into Botox, filler, and hair transplant territory, suddenly everyone is a natural beauty. No one is talking anymore, save for a few brave souls who clearly didn’t get the memo on keeping schtum. This is all before we get to the surgeries proper: your nose jobs, tummy tucks, facelifts, breast enlargements. I have a friend who doesn’t tell her husband she gets Botox! Quite where he thinks the money and his wife’s smile lines are going is beyond me.
Why all the secrecy and shame? For better or worse, we live in a society that values looks. Surely, we don’t need to make that worse by pretending we haven’t had a little help here and there. I’ve had Botox in my forehead and around my eyes. I’ve had filler to get rid of the dark circles under my eyes, and earlier this year, I had an upper blepharoplasty because I didn’t like the fact my eyelids had drooped to the point where I couldn’t do a winged liner anymore. Am I supposed to pretend I haven’t done any of these things and that my wrinkle-free face is all down to a good soap?
It’s not just my school friend who is in the cosmetic closet. I’ve lost count of how many celebrities flatly denied they had anything done at all, only to later admit that this wasn’t the case. Remember when we all thought you could get lips like Kylie Jenner by using her brand of lipliner? Of course it was filler. Or when Victoria Beckham spoke openly about her unusually perky chesticles, after years of denying having surgery? No one believed those things were home grown.
I suspect the reason people deny having anything done is because admitting it may reveal a preoccupation with their appearance, which then feels like a vulnerability. No one wants to be accused of being vain, but I don’t see investing in your looks as vanity, so much as pride. I want to look good! What’s wrong with that?
Perhaps there is also a sense of shame in not being 100 per cent “natural”, but who is? Which celebrity is heading down the red carpet looking exactly as they did when they rolled out of bed? Aren’t we all trying to look the best we can? For some, that means having a shower and popping a breath mint. For others like me, it’s a bit more elaborate, and I’m not ashamed of that.
Some people love nothing more than judging someone who has had something done. There are so many aestheticians on social media whose whole shtick is to zoom in on the faces and bodies of celebrities and confidently declare the work they have had done. This has always seemed a bit daft to me. Of course film stars have had work done! I just take that as a given. These people are under enormous pressure to look incredible and have enough money and resources to do it. Why should they feel embarrassed? I just wish they would be a bit more honest about it. How many celebrity diets, make-up lines, skincare routines, and shapewear products are being flogged to the masses, with no hint of a disclaimer to let you know that the person endorsing it did not get to look like that without a lot of help?
I have so much respect for the ones who aren’t pretending. No, you won’t get a bottom like Cardi B just by doing squats, and you won’t ever have breasts like Kaley Cuoco by using a skin firming cream. Thank you for your honesty, ladies! Now, kindly reveal the name of your surgeon.
I don’t feel remotely ashamed of the work I’ve had done. Looking as good as I can boosts my confidence. I quite like getting the treatments done, which I admit sounds bizarre when what we’re talking about is an injection in the face. I like going to the clinic and getting a cup of tea and a nice biscuit while I wait. I enjoy being made a fuss of. I like chatting away about all the new treatments that are out and what I can try next. But most of all, I like the results. I don’t see why I should keep them a secret. That’s the bind, isn’t it? We’re supposed to get older, but not actually look older, a feat that can only be achieved by a tweakment or two, but you are not supposed to ever admit to that.
I say that enough is enough. I think we should be as open and proud about what work we’ve had done as we are about where we got an outfit from, or how we have styled our hair. I will get more work done in the future if I fancy it and I’m sure I’ll tell everyone about that as well. I don’t think a boob job is quite for me, but I can definitely see myself getting a facelift or liposuction further down the line.
Maybe I am totally wide of the mark on my high school friend and she really has never had any work done at all. Maybe her smooth forehead and pouty lips are all down to good genes and getting a solid eight hours sleep a night. But I doubt it.
Of course, no one has to reveal personal medical information if they don’t want to, but imagine a world where nobody felt the need to lie about it. Wouldn’t that be a more positive world? One where young women aren’t beating themselves up about their looks because they don’t know the celebrities they idolise have had surgery.
I don’t think that will ever happen, but I for one, will not be lying about what work I have had done just to save face.