The only shock in this election bigger than Jonathan Ashworth losing his seat in Leicester South was that I spent seven hours straight watching Channel 4.
Not because I’m averse to mainlining the channel – it is the home of ER, Catastrophe, The Dog’s Home and Naked Attraction, after all – but because when it comes to elections, they’ve got a bad record, opting to eschew serious discussion in favour of an “alternative” approach with B-list comedians and weak chat, that fast feels puerile, flippant and smug – and far inferior to the illuminating commentary on the BBC.
But in case you hadn’t clocked it from the exit poll, things are changing. Channel 4’s Britain Decides united the top talent from the country’s two most popular and influential political podcasts – Emily Maitlis, one third of The News Agents, overseeing the action alongside the excellent Krishnan Guru-Murthy, and Rory Stewart and Alastair Campbell from rival The Rest Is Politics. Other guests were ex-heavyweights from across the political spectrum, including Nadine Dorries, Kwasi Kwarteng, Harriet Harman, Ann Widdecombe, Nadhim Zahawi, Vince Cable and Mhairi Black, making up what was by a considerable margin the most energising coverage of the night, understanding exactly why this has been dubbed “the podcast election”, and delivering that for a television audience.
Podcasts are shaping political opinion because rather than straight, structured news and tediously balanced talking heads, they offer proper, in-depth insight and strong, usually reasonable opinions (from people unafraid of or prevented from saying them), swerving culture war issues in favour of talking clearly and humanely about what’s actually important to the masses (and why). In other words, exactly the kind of “centrist dad” discussion that appears to be winning Labour this election.
Some were complaining about having so many right-wing figures on what would once have considered itself the counterculture broadcaster. But division of opinion and big characters is what makes good TV (and I’m sorry, the deluded Dorries is good broadcast value).
Plus, this managed it with a lighter, relaxed touch without compromising on scrutiny. Channel 4 got a return on its considerable casting investment barely 10 minutes after the exit poll was announced when Dorries accused Campbell of being sexist because he told her she needed to “get over Boris Johnson”. (She does. She seemed dead set on convincing the studio he would return to glory. Desperate. He’s not listening, babe – pretty sure he’s on holiday again.)
As well as clear-eyed input from Stewart (displaying the humanity and compassion that has made him popular across the parties) and punchy critiques from Campbell, a highlight was mathematician Hannah Fry (green suit, power lob, an ability to make stats and numbers totally digestible in a way that does not scare the likes of me and others unable to split their council tax in half without a calculator). Fry has quietly become one of the best broadcasters in the business and forces you to pay attention to stats and feel like you understand them – her inclusion here was inspired (and on the maths note – the legend Carol Vorderman appeared later to pop a cork and “get the party started”).
Entertainment value is arguably more important than ever in a predictable election like this because the shock factor of results alone is not enough tension to carry an hours-long broadcast in the way it might have for say, the EU referendum in 2016. We knew what this result was going to be and we could watch the results come in on our phones – what we needed was a bit of fun. Emily Maitlis was particularly brilliant: incisive and unwavering, wearing a Jackie O shift dress, dangly earrings and the side-eye of the century, freed of all the chumminess of the podcast (which I’m afraid does rather grate on me).
So to the BBC, which I switched to after the tedious, long-promised Gogglebox montage kicked in on C4 (it couldn’t totally avoid gimmicks, it seems), where Clive Myrie, Laura Kuenssberg and John Curtice were holding court.
Look, I know you’re in safe hands with Myrie, who interrogates with a sort of calm ferocity, and Kuenssberg knows this world inside out – but I’m afraid it just wasn’t exciting. I like and trust the BBC’s political editor Chris Mason, but I found myself noting down that “Chris has offered to share his bananas” because so little else got my heart racing – once I’d got over Kuenssberg’s pink trouser suit and glitter top, an ensemble I assume she has recycled from the Eras tour. (Taylor Swift’s influence was also seen in Maitlis’s beaded bracelets, and the pink suit was a popular choice – also seen on Harman, Dorries, and Nicola Sturgeon over on ITV. Barbie was last year, ladies!)
There was of course some excitement from Jeremy Vine, who only loves one thing more than Elvis Costello and sticking a GoPro to his bike helmet, and that’s Fred Astaire-ing it, limbs akimbo across a giant map on a BBC studio floor.
Elsewhere it was lacklustre – especially while we lagged for results. The quite amateur attempts from GB News pundits involved visiting an Elvis impersonator in a club in Essex for reasons unknown, and giving far too much time to vox popping and not enough in the way of analysis. I’m afraid once you’ve heard one man telling you why he’s got the Moët on ice for Farage’s win, you’ve heard them all.
ITV had Robert Peston, Ed Balls and George Osborne – and yet Tom Bradby still bristled at Peston’s suggestion that Sturgeon aside, the panel was a bit “pale, male and stale” (wake up, mate).
Meanwhile, Beth Rigby’s offering on Sky News was a little lethargic, even with the contributions of Andy Burnham and Ruth Davidson, who both eclipsed her in their energy levels. When I checked in on Julia Hartley-Brewer on Talk TV, her eyes were darting away from screen while she spoke to camera – given the time, I suppose you can’t blame her.
The longer the night went on, the more time these pundits seemed to be spending sat behind the desks eating sweets for energy, shouting at each other, and checking their phones, which is about as relatable as an ex-politician can get.
But it was Channel 4 who understood what audiences really want from political news in 2024 and successfully translated the politics podcast format from speaker to screen. Labour will be the winners tonight, but Maitlis comes a close second.